Thursday, October 23, 2014

FAMILY BLOGGER NIGHT - THIS IS THE END.

SHARING POWERFUL ENDINGS



Some of you have written an ending you feel proud of. Others of you are still reaching for words and sentences to end your story in the "perfect" way. This is something published authors struggle with again and again, often drafting 20 or 30 endings before choosing the one that is best. Tonight, continue to explore a few different ways your ending might go. Have your guardian give you suggestions and/or ideas.

Does your ending grab the reader's attention? Does your ending leave the reader with something to think about?

DIRECTIONS
  • COPY AND PASTE YOUR ORIGINAL ENDING TO YOUR PERSONAL NARRATIVE. IF YOU DON'T HAVE AN ENDING YET, WRITE ONE UP LIKE YOU DID IN CLASS TODAY.
  • REWRITE A NEW ENDING THAT'S DIFFERENT FROM YOUR ORIGINAL ENDING. ASK A GUARDIAN FOR SUGGESTIONS. 
  • WE SHOULD SEE SOME KIND OF AN ENDING ON BLOGGER TONIGHT. 
  • DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT ON EACH OTHER'S WORK. 

STRATEGIES FOR ELABORATING

  • slow down the action
  • add dialogue
  • give details
  • show small actions
  • add internal thinking

30 comments:

  1. We won are game and I feel like we can win the whole thing like 2 years ago when we did. I remember that day when are pitcher threw the pitch and the batter swung he hit the ball andhe hit it to me I got the ball threw it to first and got the out. The whole team was Screaming they all came up to me and hugged me as tight as they could and jumped up and down. I can feel that maybe it will happen again.

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  2. 1st Draft
    When I got home, the gaping hole in my chest started to close up like water filling a glass. I looked around, amazed about how selfish I was being. Sure, there wasn’t water, but there was still life! Maybe the only birds were in the oak trees high above the dry stream, but there were still birds! Maybe the frogs were those huddling over small pools of water, but there were still frogs! I was dumbfounded when I looked back on how sad I was. It isn’t as if I lived in a Mediterranean paradise! Through every storm, through every drought, it would all be returned one day. Maybe even I soon will be worried about a flood. Sure, it will never be the same ever again. That is just change. There is nothing I can do to save it but hope. And maybe soon there will be more life, but the only thing I can do is wait humbly and try not to kill myself in the process.
    2nd Draft
    When I got back home, my dog was waiting, as always. My sister was screaming as my mom (as always) and the sunlight was burning out my eyes, as always. I looked out the kitchen window. I looked at the birds gliding in the cool breeze, as always. As if I got hit by a bullet in the head, it all came to me. I couldn't do anything about the creek. It is just life. Life will move, it is just change. The only thing I can do is wait (and try not to kill myself in the process.)

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  3. Finally we were back home, one fish and one corn snake. That was an outstanding trip. We had a big party with our families, and fried up the fish and ate it. It was so good.

    Edit: It was a long walk home. We talked about what a great day we had, and how wonderful the Woodlands was to visit. Bonnie asked "do you think we can come back here again sometime? " Hunter and I both said " Yes. Finally we were back home, one fish and one corn snake. That was an outstanding trip. We had a big party with our families, and fried up the fish and ate it. It was so good.

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    Replies
    1. I loved how you ended with dialogue! Great ending!

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  4. I looked out of the window, the plane was getting ready to go, a tear ran down my cheek, will I ever come back? I thought to myself "this place would be the WORST vacation ever if I hadn't have gone with my family". We started to take off a looked at the blue ocean to see an island, my eyes started to water again, "Good Bye".

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    Replies
    1. The ending makes me want to read another story!

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    2. Love your ending so emotional and I like how you ended with a question but also a good by.

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    3. wow that isa very strong ending

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  5. " Bye bye!" I shouted from the car just behind hers.
    " BYE!!!!" She screamed from her car.
    I sat there, very excited, and part sad. It was the end of the trip with my cousin, but a night so great to start another exciting day with a favorite cousin. I can't wait for tomorrow!

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    Replies
    1. I really want to know more!!! I like how you put words in such good places.

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  6. Old Draft:
    Well that was the end of us exciting experience. I was kind if happy we went up there because we just found out we were moving so, this might have been the last time we go to Niseko, Japan. We finish the rest of the mountain and we went to meet mummy in the lunch ski chalet. The minute I walk in I could smell all the amazing good looking food. Then we all sat down and told her about our about amazing adventures while we had a delicious lunch!


    New Draft:
    I was really happy that I got though this daring challenge, yet some part of me felt really hollow, like the inside of me was a tree. We finish the rest of the mountain. We went to meet mummy in the lunch ski chalet next to the resort.. The minute I walk in I could smell all the amazing, good looking food. “I will so miss this place” I whispered over and over again. Then we all sat down and told mummy about our about amazing adventure, while I tried to suck up my sad tears. “you know what, even though that was a terrifying experience. I will always remember it as a good memory” Trying to wipe my tears away.
    But I drowned my sorrows by me stuffing my face with a delicious lunch!

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    Replies
    1. Great ending for your story and I like the word choice you chose!

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  7. Old Draft:
    As I look over the journey Jake and I have had as friends, i'm thinking "Man, I am very lucky to have such a good friend". We have had a long journey, and a good one too. But this is not the end, it's just the beginning.

    New Draft:
    As I look over the wonderful journey Jake and I have had as friends, I think to myself "Man, i'm so lucky to have such an awesome, kind, and thoughtful friend". Not many people have that good friends like I do. I know that our journey has been long, but also good. This is not the end of our journey of friendship.

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    Replies
    1. I like how refered your friendship as a journy.

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  8. draft 1
    The hurricane did not just hurt me but the other people that live there.

    Draft 2
    Same white sand. Same clear water that turned into a deep aquamarine as the water merged closer and closer to the edge and then drops and you see the sky. I walk to the beach and stopped as the water began to splash against my toes it was beautiful. I can feel a tear come down my face and I watch it splash against the water some more come down. I think that I thought my world was going to end with the hurricain but it was only talking my world on a new bumpy road.



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    Replies
    1. I like how your referred to your life as a bumpy road I think that is what life really is.

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  9. Ending #1
    Suddenly, I was on the last true page of the Harry Potter series. I eyes welled up my fists clenched. No this wasn’t happening. I was not finishing the Harry Potter series. I DID NOT want to read the epilogue.
    “Stop, focus, get yourself together Ilaria! You will finish this book.” I threw back my shoulders and sat up tall. I have to finish this, and I did. Not only for me but for all the other people out there who had become one with the books. But most importantly because the last page yelled out a small bit of information that was in every book., I hadn’t realized this until now. I’m not even sure J.K. Rowling realized this.
    No magic is stronger than love, in fact nothing is. Except for true, honest, real, loyal, friendship


    Ending #2
    That was it I was done it was over so fast, like a shot. But I didn't just finish it for me, but for the other people out their who had become one with the books, given a piece of themselves to it. Most importantly I realised a message that the books post from page one. it was as though the fog had cleared and opened up a whole new world of realisation. I bet that you are wondering what I understood, so here it is:
    No magic is stronger than pure love, nothing is in fact. Except for maybe honesty, loyal, and pure friendship.

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    Replies
    1. Your ending is so detailed I love it.

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  10. old draft
    The day i got home Me and my nanny went on a bike ride up a small hill before when I pedaled up the hill slowly then I pedaled medium speed up the hill after that i pedaled up the hill with speed then I got to the top of the hill and i was proud of myself then my nanny was super happy then i told my dad he was impressed then i got a nice drink of cold water and I relaxed after that I took a hot shower.

    new draft
    One day, this past summer, I got home from summer school. My nanny and I went on a bike ride up a small hill for the first time. At first when I pedaled up the hill I went slowly. “Come on you can do it,” I said to myself as pedaled up the hill. The sounds of the pedals, chain, wheels and the wind were going through my ears. I wanted to go faster and prove that I I can do it. Then I pedaled medium speed up the hill. After that I pedaled up the hill with power which helped me get to the top of the hill. I was proud of myself! My heart was beating fast and I was out of breath.I was sweating. My nanny was super happy with a smile on her face. When I got home, I shared the news and told my dad. He was impressed. After, I got a nice drink of cold water and took a lovely hot shower. I was really tired but happy with myself! Next time the hill will be easier. I picture myself the next time going up the hill at fast speed and being able to pedal faster.

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  11. Old ending: I will try to remember the card the 8th grader gave me and how my friends were congratulating afterwards. I hope to remember this moment in my life, FOREVER.

    New ending: I will try to remember the hard plastic card the the 8th grader gave me and the sound of the cheering and the compliments from my friends. I'm sure I will remember the event for a very long time. The contest will be a memorable event in my entire life.

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  12. Old ending
    As I lay falling asleep I thought about the amazing day that I had especially the turtles which couldn't get out of my head. Amazingly when I fell asleep I had a lot of dreams about the turtles the most vivd off which was were I was a turtle. It was really scary because unlike the turtles we helped today we had no help.

    New ending
    As I went to bed that night little did I now that in the future our family would go to a turtle nesting ground in Oman, where we would not only see baby turtles swim to the sea, but get to see a mother turtle lay her eggs in the sand then swim of never to see her babies again.

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  13. It was the last day of being at Oregon.I was happy but sad at the same time because I wanted to go nack home with my family, but I wanted to saty with my cousins because I barely even met them.
    Draft #2
    It was then the last day of being in Oregon. We were about to leave. But right before we left, I asked my mom if we can just say by and she let us so we went across the street and said by to our cousins and then we went back to the other house and then we said by to my cousins over there.when we left I was looking at my cousins house and she was hlosing the parrot.Then I said in my head I forgot the parrot.Then I screamed "by Rocky"Then he said "awwwk see us later".

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