Wednesday, September 24, 2014


Looking at your story it's time to think again about what it is that you most want to show in your story.

1. In Bullet point form(if possible) jot down notes to yourself about what you might change or add to strengthen your writing tonight.

2. Write 1-2 goals and how you'll achieve them. LABEL THEM WRITING GOALS.


If your typing skills are maturing slowly, you may certainly have a parent type up your draft.

Off you write!


  1. 1. I think I will work more on talking about why harry potters important to me
    2. I will also work on how I felt when I finished.
    3. I will change the 1st line of the 2nd paragraph
    Writing Goals
    1. I will work on staying 100.99% on topic
    2. I will focus on the quality of the story not the quanity

    Draft 4
    I remember the day I opened my first Harry Potter book crystal clear, but now...
    For the first time in my life since I learned to read, I tried to avoid reading a book.
    I was almost done with the seventh, and final Harry Potter book.. I was in the middle of the “great” battle. Lord Voldemort, the dementors, giants, most of the ministry of magic, and his evil assistants the death eaters, V.S. Hogwarts, the Order of the Phoenix, the castles statues, and Grawp the minute giant!
    Still, I managed to finish the book.
    I wasn’t sure what to feel, happy, sad, annoyed, angry, lonely, or even all of those things put together. All I knew was that I was confused. I was also scarred to face the horrible truth. I had finished the book. All those times of cuddling up on the couch with a harry potter book, done gone. As Ron says in the 3rd book," I was like all the happiness had been sucked out of the world, like I would never be happy again.

  2. Writing goals
    One way I would strengthen my writing skills is I want to write about the most interesting parts I will achieve it by looking into what my story is really about.

    Another way I would like to strengthen my writing is writing about the more fun parts. The way I will achieve this goal is I will look back at when it was a fun time and then write about it.

  3. “Sofia… Sofia… SOFIA!” my mom shouted in a mad way Nearly the whole plane turned their heads at me, my whole body springed up like if I was in a cartoon episode “I’m awake! I’m awake!” “Sofia we have to go, remember the Maldives” my sister said in a sarcastically “you know I was sleeping” I whispered madly. My family and I were going to the Maldives. The Maldives is basically a bunch of tiny island that you cross in about five minutes, and the island my family and I were going to is … (drumroll)… Lankansushi I mean Lankanfushi I admit it it sounds alot like a sushi dish! We got out of the plane to see what looked like a tiny little airport (really another plane!). But we didn’t have to do all that security stuff all we did was wait next to the ocean. We waited, and waited, and waited until a speed boat came to a dock “that’s our ride” my dad said “that’s so cool!” my little sister said excitedly “Yeah” I said yawning. We took a seat on three sofas “Wow this boat even has sofas in it” my little sister Natalia said “cool” my big sister Sonia said “Fancy” I said. This is when the adventure began! We all took a seat in one of the sofas, my mom and my dad took the biggest one, my sister Sonia and my sister Natalia took one in the Left hand corner and I took my own in the one on the right hand corner. “What’s it going to be like mama” but before I could say another word the speed boat started there was a moment of awkward silence…(awkward silence). The boat started I was going to continue talking but the boat was making such a rachet so whenever I said something it felt like I wasn’t talking at all! We got to the dock and they asked us take take our sneakers off for a second I was confused but then my dad told my that at the Maldives your shoes were confiscated so you could only go barefoot or go in sandals/flip flops. When we got to our stay the first thing we did was to look around the cabin that was rarely on top of the water! There were tiny dishes of food in the table (my sisters and I ate all of them) then we looked at our rooms: My sisters and my room had three beds and a TV, My mom and dads room had a giant bed, also a TV thier own bathroom and a door leading to a platform with a GIANT bath in it! There was also a Dining room, it had a beautiful Table in it and right next to it there was the living room, it had a giant sofa and a TV in front to watch movie that you can ask for in the front desk! Guess What... there was also stairs leading to the second floor, the second had a huge bed like my mom’s and dad’s so that you could hear the ocean while you're sleeping (spa music) and there was a deep hot tub that’s as long as a child! Last but not least there was the very back of the cabin, it was a huge platform with stairs leading to the ocean so that we could take a little swim! After looking around we decided to take a ride on the bikes they lend to us we past beautiful trees and bright green plants it was like going through a tunnel of nature when ever we stopped by at the end of the island I would go to the water, let the salty water go over my feet and let the sand sink into the spaces in between my feet. It was a long ride and we were starving, so we went to a restaurant. The restaurant was a giant cottage with a pot of water with a giant spoon (like a soup or salad spoon) in front to clean the sand off (you are aloud to walk without shoes in Lankanfushi). We entered the restaurant and ordered some food. After eating we ordered ice cream they had all these different flavors: Chocolate, vanilla, avocado, cinnamon, red wine, green tea, strawberry, and much more, (the only reason I said “much more was because I can’t even remember! The next day, we rode our bikes to eat breakfast to find a buffet laying on a table! They had 25 different kinds of honey, 25 different kinds of jam, 6 different kinds of toast, for some reason there was sushi (weird for breakfast).

    -I want to get spelling correctly without using the tools bar
    -I want to get more description in my story

  4. 1.I think I should really understand what my writing is really about.
    2.I need more reasons why mexico is more important to me
    3. I will need to work on staying focused while writing
    writing goals
    1.I will need to work on not getting off topic
    2.No more writing on and on without reading it over to make sure it makes sense and not just a blob of words.

    Mexico draft 5

    Nothing will ever be the same again.
    The hurricane came out of nowhere. My family did not know. Why did this have to happen. Is anyone hurt. WHY.
    These were the thoughts running through my head when I got the news.Everything will be different now.
    I wonder what happened to the little taco stand right across the street from the most popular restaurants. I thought someday it would be discovered for its wonderful food but I guess not.
    What about the pinata store down by the bank there pinatas were so amazing and colorful the place is probably slammed by those strong winds. They probably would have made the store bigger and with more of the pinatas but I guess not.
    Gardenias that place was named after the owners daughter gardenia she is 6 years old and has a little brother jesus( pronounced hesus in spanish) . I thought that little jesus would be able to talk to people in the restaurant and play with the kids like gardenia but that will never happen.
    The hurricane did not just hurt me but the other people that live there. Changes are supposed to happen but this one seems to big.

  5. 1. I should work on definately details and adding more emotions to the story.
    2. I also should write about more exciting parts and add a bit more detail to them

    Draft #5
    We got downstairs just in time because about twenty minutes later. I was pulling two sort of heavy drawers out of the base of the table. Just to my left if I was facing the large movie screen, was the brown, leather sofa that we used as a base. Of course we did not manage to finish the mountain.
    As I jumped into the car, I gazed off to Alina’s dad’s car with her inside it. I thought a small feeling of excitement inside me. I couldn’t tell at the moment whether it was happy, cheerful, or excitement. I knew that the upcoming day would be awesome.
    The arrival. That was one thing on my mind. “ Is it going to be that crowded?” I thought to myself as the car drove slowly through the roads.

  6. be think about what my family does for me in my story
    2. try to think more about my family. i can jot down things they have done and put them in a sentence in my story
    3. draft #5
    i had so much fun now we just needed to do something else we are always looking for our grandparents so me and my sister when all over the cruise boat trying to look for my grandparents we could not find them intel we found them in the main hall we said hay can we go and see your hotel room theirs was so much bigger so we came and said omg that is the biggest room we went in only ours had a shower theirs had a tub and a shower and two sinks we had one tiny sink they had a huge deck we had a small one next to my cousins room and my brothers room atleest we got to see the captains deck we say hi to him all the time.

  7. 1. Mention that this would be one of the last times I would see this place
    2. Express more of my feeling
    3. Maybe cut down how much dialogue i'm using.
    Writing Goals
    1. Rereading, and seeing if i'm actually writing what I what to write. Rather than writing everything that comes to mind because it might not even be related to what I'm writing.
    2. FOCUS 100% OF THE TIME!

  8. Draft #6

    “Please lift your ski’s off the snow and hold onto the handlebars, THANK YOU” A voice from the speakers said as my dad, little sister and I went up the ski lift. As we went higher, the snow got stronger & stronger.The whole way up the ride we were absolutely SILENCE. Which might be normal for YOUR family for our’s it was highly impossible .Every five minutes there would be a new layer of snow on my ski goggles. 1 pole of of 20, 2 poles of of 20, 3,4,5,6,7 poles out of 20, until finally we got to the top. Today was the perfect day to ski down a mountain of fluffy, white, snow . I helped my little sister of the chair lift, my dad jumped off with his snowboard, and right at that moment we felt the snowflakes on our faces. We put our helmets on and put a ski goggles on, my dad put his snowboard on and whispered “this is going to be fun!” We started making our way to the tip of the hill, OH!, did I mention we were in Niseko, Japan, around Christmas. As we got closer my little sister started squeezing my hand tighter and tighter. Until I felt like my hard was as stiff as my ski pole! “OW!” I shouted “what are you trying to do, Break my arm!” I screamed at Mia “Come on girls hug it out and lets ride this mountain” my dad said buckling the last thing on his snowboard” We had recently gone to Australia for a surfing holiday and my dad was still in the “beach world” Finally we zoomed down the hill in a little family line. My dad in the back, my little sister, Mia in the middle and me as the line leader. This wasn’t new to us. Whenever we came to Japan to ski we would always go in a family line. I loved being the line leader, It was so fun. It was the only thing I could do where I was the boss, not anybody else but me. My dad was right, This was awesome! We were going so FAST! that 2 minutes later we were already half way down the hill. Everything was going well until…… I saw a little hill and said “let’s go up there!” Without knowing what was coming our way! We made our way up the little hill, we started hearing skiers and snowboarders screaming. As we got closer I started having butterflies Whizzing around in my tummy. I whispered to Mia”I have bad feeling about this, but don’t tell daddy!”
    “THEN WHY DID YOU WANT TO COME UP HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU WEIRDO!” Mia screamed quietly. I could tell she was about to cry!
    “What!” “Look at this girls, look at it” my dad Screamed. Right then and there was a 6 foot hill right in front of our eyes. “How are we going to get down there, I mean daddy can jump down there easily but what about me and Zara!” Mia whimpered, with tears coming down her eyes.
    “Don’t worry Mia, We will think of something” My dad said. Now he sounded like HE was going to cry. Finally a not so good idea popped into my head. “Hey guys I know sins daddy has a snowboard he can down down the hill first, then me and Mia can ski down the hill and daddy will catch us just before we are about the hit him” So we did that, daddy snowboarded down the hill. He stopped just before he was going the hit the other mountain. Then He took off his snowboard, make his hands like he was going the hug someone and got ready to catch us. I went first. I yelled from the top of the hill” are you ready to catch me?”
    “Yah I am, you can jump now!”
    This was it, I was telling myself. I decided that I should get it over and down with so I skied down fast than the speed of lightning, I could feel everything coming towards me, the snow the wind, everything. IT WAS AMAZING!, The best experience I ever had in my life! After that Mia came down and I hate to say it but she went down Way faster than me. Well that was the end of us exciting experience. I was kind if happy we went up there because we just found out we were moving so, this might have been the last time we go to Niseko, Japan. We finish the rest of the mountain, we went to meet mummy in the lunch ski chalet and told her about our about amazing adventures while we had a delicious lunch!

  9. . nice hand ritting
    .creating drafts
    . create a story arc
    . editing
    . asking people to check my work
    . making shure my story flows smoothly

    1. Great things to work towards! These are things we can work on each day to better our writing skills. I have seen you use some of this already!

  10. 1. Add detail
    2. Take out stuff that doesn't need to be there

    Writing goals
    1. Double checking so that it isn't like a rough draft.
    2. Making sure its just one story
    It was summer vaca and I was jumping like a frog on my trampoline. After jumping up and down till I was out of breath, I went inside and and immediately got the computer. I desperately needed lemonade. I got lemonade out of the fridge and went back over to the computer. My hands frantically scrolled up and down and was freaking out like crazy!! I was on the computer to see who my classmates were. It wasn’t a problem about the teacher because my first grade teacher moved up to second grade and asked me if I wanted to be in her class. My answer was yes because I liked Mrs. Grech as a teacher. I saw who my classmates were, and I saw Jake on it! I was so excited because we are friends and we haven’t been in the same class until now. It was a very happy moment for me, and I couldn’t wait till tomorrow when school started.
    The next day I got dropped off by my mom on georgia lane. When I got on the trail, I sprinted! The wind was all around me, and I couldn’t hear nothing but that. I finally saw the school, and I ran to it. It was like jake was hiding, because I couldn’t find him anywhere and I know he got there early. I walked out to the blacktop and there he was. We both ran to each other and squeezed each other tightly. “Kyle, this is going to be the best school year”. “I know, it’s so great were in the same class” I said. We both had big wide smiles on.

  11. 1.
    1a: describing more about the setting
    1b: how I felt
    2. Writing Goals: STAY 100% focused and not get distracted by my brother and I'm going to sit at my desk and do Blogger.
    3. I waited impatiently for Mrs. Reischling to tell us to put our journals away in our desk. Lots of people around me were also waiting impatiently, knees shaking.
    “When you are finished copying this down in your journal, you may close it and put it away in your desk.” says Mrs. Reischling, who was dressed up as a bee. She closes her notebook at the same time I close mine. Everybody immediately got up on their feet, but since there was no running in the classroom, they walked quickly to their desks and put everything away. I felt like slamming my desk down, but I closed it slowly and made sure I wasn’t crunching any of my stuff.
    Today was October 31rst. Halloween. I was dressed up as a box of popcorn. The best part was it was HOMEMADE! I had the whole routine that I would pass out bags of popcorn at the crowd while marching. I really hope this was going to increase my percentage of winning the costume contest! We were going to have costume parade and a party afterwards. After everybody marches around the gym, the Student Council will call out one person from each grade to come up. I had about 1,000 butterflies in my stomach because I was so excited to start the parade. I could drop everything and go to the gym so we could start the parade because I was dying to see who was the costume contest winner for 2014. I walked to my wooden desk, and stuffed my notebook inside and almost slammed my desk down
    Kyle waited for me in line while hustled up and caught up with him. We chatted about who we were dressed up as, if it was homemade, etc. Mrs. Reischling walked up in front of everybody and waited for everybody to quiet down so we could start walking. Once we were all quiet, she walked out the door. Kyle had to take a couple steps in front of me so I could get through the doorway with my chubby costume. I walked slowly which I think kind of irritated the people behind me. Since Kyle was ahead of me, he started talking to someone else so I pretended to fall behind in the line so I could talk to Alison. Alison was dressed up as a cat, one of the original costumes, which was cool, because nobody dressed up as one of the originals!
    “Aren’t you excited for the costume parade?” I said excitedly as I wobbled a little bit in my popcorn costume. I made sure some of the styrofoam fake popcorn didn’t fall out and onto the floor. “Yeah! I hope I’m going to win with this awesome cat costume! I bet you someone in our grade will win! Everybody in 4th grade looks amazing!” exclaims Alison with a grin that goes from ear to ear.
    We made our way through the crowd of people who were trying to get in to the gym too as we chatted together.
    Once we were in the gym, Mrs. Reischling told us not to sit down because we were going to be walking first. It was good that we were walking first because I can’t sit down with my big, complicated popcorn costume. It was too hard to take it off and I don’t have a clue where I was going to put it. Ms. Shima and Mr. Corritone had microphones and told us the parade was going to start with the 4th graders, then 5th, and so on. The music started and we started walking. I grabbed the first bag of popcorn. I felt bad that the 4th graders, who were marching right now because they wouldn’t get any of the popcorn I was passing out. The 5th graders didn’t know the popcorn was coming, so when I threw it, everybody was trying to grab the bag. But, since there was so many people, I couldn’t see who caught the bag. I did see people have sad looks on their faces, which told me they didn’t get one of the bags.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Sorry! My story was too long and didn't accept that many characters! :-( I will bring my full copy tomorrow, printed.

  12. writing goal
    1. to use more descriptive words and more detail
    i will work on this by adding more
    2. to work on my grammar and spelling
    i will work on this by checking my work

    1. When i was in the woodlands when i came across a rather thin log i looked at it for a minute and then i went for it. i was have way and then i lost balance i quicky grabed on.

  13. 1. to describe my creek with more detail
    2. to use our vocabulary words from our classical roots book
    3. It was then I knew that it was all gone. Every bird singing, every frog leaping, and I just let it happen. I just sat there and watched a whole ecosystem collapse right under my nose. Could I have done anything, I wouldn't know. All of the emotions flowing through my brain were too busy for anything as silly as that. (Not that that isn't usually the case.)
    I jumped in the dry patch of ground, trying to find some water left. There was none. I closed my eyes and remembered every single living creature there. They were so dependent on the water, but now it was all gone. Every little sign of life vanished in thin air. Tears started welling up in my eyes, my usual smile turned into a look so full of sadness and torment no one could bear.
    I know it might sound like I'm a little drama queen living in a small town full of zillionaires (which isn't half lying), but I really meant it. All of the forts I could of built, all of the fun days I could of spent down there, it was all gone.

    1. I added off the end. I wrote it down on paper so I couldn't just copy and paste it and edit it from there. :)

  14. my writting is about a person i care about and how much i love my mom. and how we speed time thogther. when we have the best time thogther. how we help each other.

  15. i like speeding time with my mom and i like being with her. i like doing thinks with her. i like when she makes me lautgh. whenever i come with her we do alot of thinks togther. and we like talking. i like when she is talking.

  16. writing goals
    to use better grammar
    to use better word choices not just and and because
    To write faster with better spelling

    Draft #4
    When I got in my bed and had this really weird dream it was that i was a turtle and me and my siblings had to make it to the ocean with noone to help me it was really scary because a lot of my siblings got picked off by animals like birds and foxes and animals like that so when i woke up i had a new appreciation for Turtles and i was glad we helped the animals.

  17. i like spending time with my mom because and also helping her clean. I like when she makes me laghf. i like when my mom takes me to eat. I Love my mom

  18. draft 6

    Today was the firs day of baseball and I am so happy. when the Game started we were at bat first and my friend Jake was up, Then Dylan then me. We all got on base because of the pitcher walked. I saw my friend trying to get picked off. So when I got to third I took a lead and then when I got the ball thrown to third I stole home and I was safe but I scraped my hand. My dad told my he was happy and I should not do that again because I will get thrown out. After the inning we were in the field. The first out are pitcher Jake struck him out. The next was a round out and It was to me. The next one was a ground out again to my friend Dylan who got the out. We would go on to win that game 14 to 5 us.

  19. draft #5
    I asked my cousin brianna if we can go over to her house (my cousins house)and she said "Yeah but ask your mom if you can go to the house"
    So then I asked my mom if I can go and she said "yes" so then I went and met my new cousin Cassandra.

  20. When i was in the woodlands when i came across a rather thin log i looked at it for a minute and then i went for it. i was have way and then i lost balance i quickly grabbed on.